cesy: "Cesy" - An old-fashioned quill and ink (Default)
[personal profile] cesy
For the posting of amusing, insightful, witty (etc.) things said on Dreamwidth.

Rules:
  1. Quotes must have originated on Dreamwidth. (Yes, things posted here and cross-posted elsewhere at the same time are ok.)
  2. Original quotes only - quoting quotes on Dreamwidth does not make for a metaquote.
  3. Context! You must credit the quotee by linking to what they said. Include the permanent link to the entry (or comment thread, if you're quoting a comment) in which the quote appears.
  4. If the quote comes from a non-public entry, you must ask for permission from the quotee before posting, and add "QWP" to the post so the admins know all is above board.
  5. Cuts are your friends! [community profile] metaquotes is not intended to be safe-for-work, but please try to respect people browsing their Reading Page at work. Also, please keep quotes short. (How do I make a cut?)
  6. Don't quote yourself, or ask to be quoted. If someone else thinks you're funny, they'll do it. If they don't -- you're not.
  7. You've got 100 characters to set-up, comment on, or explain your quote if you must - that's how long the title of a post can be on DW.
  8. No flaming. The mods reserve the right to delete things that aren't funny. We can't promise this community will be a safe space, but we don't like people being nasty.


If you notice posts and comments which break these rules, alert a community admin so that the contribution can be deleted or mocked accordingly.
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly
The small fanperson is watching Animaniacs, and when the credits reached, "Bill Clinton plays the sax," her response was, "Wait: that's Hillary's husband."

Yes. Yes, it is.

From [personal profile] cereta here.

On history

Jul. 24th, 2016 07:11 pm
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly
The crusader equivalent of 'are we there yet' was to realise they were somewhere foreign and start killing people a bit.
Even if they were not in fact on the same continent as there, yet.


From [personal profile] beccaelizabeth here.
rydra_wong: Lee Miller photo showing two women wearing metal fire masks in England during WWII. (Default)
[personal profile] rydra_wong
The switch where we turn our emotions on and off is a little hard to locate. I thought I found it for a while but it turned out to only produce orgasms.


Context is locked (QWP), but would like to explain that she had been reading "one of those self-help books that demands that you feel or not feel certain emotions OR ELSE."
rydra_wong: Text: "Your body is a battleground" over photo of 19th-C strongwoman. (body -- battleground)
[personal profile] rydra_wong
I woke up at 6:30 (don't worry, I went to sleep before midnight) and lay in bed composing a symptom list and relevant history list so I don't forget anything, googling the doctor in question, googling "how to report pain" so I ask the "right" way and get believed, reviewing the DBT app's advice on how to ask for something, and making notes for myself on how to apply that to the present situation.

And ranting on Twitter about how fucked up it is that this is how I approach a medical appointment: like I'm applying for a job, or asking for a raise. Like I have to dress and act and answer the questions exactly right or I won't get treatment and that'll be on me. Like there's a trick to not being told there's nothing wrong with you by someone who hasn't even examined you yet and will be receiving $300 for this interaction.

"What can I do for you today?" "I have my own driver's license and a reliable car. I have a great sense of humour and like long -- no, brisk -- walks on the beach. My biggest failing as a patient is that I work too hard."

"When did this start happening?" "Since before I weighed this much. I am maintaining a daily meditation practice, and see a massage therapist regularly. In my last assessment, my psychologist said that she did not believe my pain was psychosomatic in nature. I eat a healthy diet. I also volunteer, in order to give back to the community."

"How frequent is the pain?" "In my last paid position, I provided technical advice, was responsible for invoicing and receivables and expenditures, and overhauled her filing workflow, and documented it for future employees. In my volunteer roles, I wrote a patch for an open source software project, managed volunteers at four different polling places concurrently at the last federal election, made calls to undecided voters in the last state election, was responsible for the health and wellbeing of six batches of foster kittens and thirteen unhatched and newly hatched chickens, many of whom do not know their right hand from their left."

"What have you been doing to treat your pain so far?" "I take the chicken across first, then cross back alone. Then I take the fox across and take the chicken back. Then I take the corn across and go back alone, after which I bring the chicken across."

"Can you describe the severity for me, on a scale of one to ten, where zero is no pain and ten is the worst pain you can imagine?" "Normally he gets off at the sixth floor, because that's as far as he can reach, but on rainy days he goes all the way up to the twelfth floor because he can use his umbrella to reach the button."

"What tests have you had before?" "I have a Bachelor of Music from the University of Melbourne."

"And how can I help you? Hmm. Can I even help you?" "You don't bury survivors."


Context is locked; QWP. [personal profile] vass would like to give credit for inspiration to this Code Slate article.
rosefox: A sci-fi landscape and the words "DISSENT IS PATRIOTIC". (fandom-dissent)
[personal profile] rosefox
"My fish people will be intersectional or they will be bullshit."
--[personal profile] sovay

Context is queer, Jewish, and Lovecraftian, and doesn't care who knows it.
rydra_wong: dreamsheep with spork and "SheepSpork" logo; no, it wouldn't make any more sense if you saw it  (dreamwidth -- sheepspork)
[personal profile] rydra_wong
So far he has repeatedly lost his luggage, had his laundry held hostage, been chased from his bed by insects in the middle of the night and then lose a pitched battle with them, set himself on fire, and spent ten days obsessing over a blemish on his nose. Since all of this has also happened to me, this is making me feel slightly better about my own life. Like, at least I didn't kill the creator of the Coast Guard, New York Post, and America's financial system in a duel and then get tried for treason for trying to secede from the US and make myself Emperor of Mexico?

Context is legal in New Jersey.
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly
So when you hear the term 'liberal media' it's an oxymoron. It's propaganda for the people who don't pay attention. It doesn't exist. It is the ghost of the very dead elephant in the middle of the room, stinking to high heaven, except that it's entirely imaginary and being used as a straw man argument.

Context doesn't like bullshit.
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly
The biggest cliche of old-school trashy romance, the forcible yet welcome kissing, has rather deep roots. I have read similar lines in porn from Burr's own era. I expect that descriptions of brutal and forbidden yet strangely delicious kisses were once inscribed on lost tablets in a language of which not a single word now survives. And I bet some of those were RPF, too.

Context is steamy. Whew!
rydra_wong: dreamsheep with spork and "SheepSpork" logo; no, it wouldn't make any more sense if you saw it  (dreamwidth -- sheepspork)
[personal profile] rydra_wong
[personal profile] havocthecat has interesting dreams:

Apparently my psyche combined "knitting groups" and "postapocalyptic society" and I was dreaming about yarnbombing sticks topped with the skulls of our enemies. All right, then.
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly
We get nurturingly attached to fish. I mean, not that fish aren't WORTHY or anything, but in terms of "animals that do not have any kind of body-language we can relate to, nor any signals that you'd EXPECT to make them resemble human babies or troop-mates", I give you: fish.

Go and read the whole thing, it's gold. (And also informative!)
watersword: Keira Knightley, in Pride and Prejudice (2007), turning her head away from the viewer, the word "elizabeth" written near (Default)
[personal profile] watersword
As per [personal profile] vass, in a helpful comment with context (QWP):

- brush your lower set of teeth first, using a toothpaste with a pH between 3.8 and 4.2, and try not to bite the speculum.
- inform your gynaecologist if you are ovulating before the exam, rather than laying an egg on the exam table
- it can be difficult to conceal a set of furled wings while wearing an open-backed examination gown, but usually the doctor will let you change before coming in and then turn their back while you get onto the table, so as long as you're okay lying on your wings, they shouldn't see.
- don't expose your gynaecologist to bright light, don't let them get wet, and don't feed them after midnight.
rydra_wong: dreamsheep with spork and "SheepSpork" logo; no, it wouldn't make any more sense if you saw it  (dreamwidth -- sheepspork)
[personal profile] rydra_wong
//tries to tuck story neatly into bed

//story resists like a flailing octopus, only with wildly swinging dicks instead of tentacles


Context is locked; QWP.
stardreamer: Meez headshot (Default)
[personal profile] stardreamer
My grandma (born just prior to the start of the Great War in Europe) didn't grasp the fuss about Impressionism (mind she was viewing magazine prints etc) since that was just the way the world looked when she took her glasses off. - [personal profile] peoriapeoriawhereart, in comments.

Context may be funnier if that's how the world looks to you without glasses too. Locked post, QWP.
dorothy1901: Gilda: Put the blame on Mame (Default)
[personal profile] dorothy1901
[personal profile] recessional must write an essay about A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. [personal profile] legionseagle expands on zir contention that Stephen is a tool.

Stephen is so obviously a tool that his toolishness is actually a theme of Ulysses. In fact, Ulysses (which I enjoyed) can be summarised as follows:

Episode One. Stephen demands his own feelings be respected in the smallest particular while being nasty about everyone else's. )
dorothy1901: Gilda: Put the blame on Mame (Default)
[personal profile] dorothy1901
[personal profile] amanuensis1 went there:
I saw Matilda: The Musical onstage and loved it. Until I saw it I didn't know that a male actor played Miss Trunchbull, nor that s/he would look and sound like the love child of the Red Skull and Arnim Zola, which I can honestly say is an MCU slash mpreg pairing I never once imagined.
rydra_wong: dreamsheep with spork and "SheepSpork" logo; no, it wouldn't make any more sense if you saw it  (dreamwidth -- sheepspork)
[personal profile] rydra_wong
[personal profile] kaberett reports:

there are literal chemtrailers picketing the Royal Geographical Society

there's two of them and they don't understand how cloud formation works

they've got signs and everything

it's beautiful
azurelunatic: Prayer to the Bastard from Lois McMaster Bujold's Paladin of Souls (Default)
[personal profile] azurelunatic
[personal profile] aella_irene enjoys a field trip:
A friend and I went to the V&A's wedding dress exhibition on Friday, which was wonderful. I preferred the more historical dresses, and, indeed have worked out which I wish my potential wedding gown to be based on. (What, you mean you don't go around fashion museums working out which dresses you wish to steal in a daring midnight raid?) There was one from the 1970s, on the upper level, which looked like the bride had been sent out with a knife and told to mug her very own polar bear. Which she had done.


Locked entry.QWP.

http://www.vam.ac.uk/content/exhibitions/wedding-dress-1775-2014/
rydra_wong: "dreamwidth" on red/pink clouds (dreamwidth -- clouds)
[personal profile] rydra_wong
[personal profile] executrix has a thought:

Wot I was thinking about today: the most popular TV show in the Radch Empire: Miaanaai Vice! She's human, *she's* an ancillary. Together they fight crime, except of course if the Emperor ordered the crime! Vy. influential re fashions in songs, tea sets, and gloves.


Context is Yuletidinous.
synecdochic: torso of a man wearing jeans, hands bound with belt (Default)
[personal profile] synecdochic
[identity profile] radiotelescope.livejournal.com:
"Gabe started practicing communicative urination..."

I look at this and think, hm, "declarative urination" would be a better phrase.

This immediately sends me down a bad path. Cats sometimes use declarative urination. Humans usually stick to functional urination, unless an emergency arises, in which case you have imperative urination. Dogs, of course, are keen on object-oriented urination.

I don't know where logical urination comes in. It's probably a subtag of K/S on AO3, but I ain't looking.


(Context is discussing feline displeasure, among other things.)
marahmarie: Sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell (Default)
[personal profile] marahmarie

[personal profile] italiceyeball, on having issues with his phone signal, signing up for Skype and dealing with European payment processors:

So. Yeah.
Every time I've tried to purchase some sort of wifi calling plan it's been denied, and my account gets turned off within seconds. So, call fraud protection, wade through menus, review my past two days of transactions with an agent: Did you purchase gasoline at Mobile Station #digits on street in city at 6:05pm for amount? Yes. Did you purchase food item at Bob's Food Store on date for money in city at time for amount? Yes. Did you pay this bill with this company on this date for this amount? Did you purchase socks at Macy's for this amount on this date? Were they black socks with toe stripes? Are they comfortable? What is the ratio of cotton to polyester? On and on and on and on and on with no way to skip anything and every time I make a joke or go off script even slightly the rep is like: "Sir please answer yes or no so we can verify."

context is NFSW and eating Thai to numb his outrage.

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