cesy: "Cesy" - An old-fashioned quill and ink (Default)
[personal profile] cesy2009-10-29 06:59 am
Entry tags:

[sticky entry] Sticky: Community posting rules

For the posting of amusing, insightful, witty (etc.) things said on Dreamwidth.

Rules:
  1. Quotes must have originated on Dreamwidth. (Yes, things posted here and cross-posted elsewhere at the same time are ok.)
  2. Original quotes only - quoting quotes on Dreamwidth does not make for a metaquote.
  3. Context! You must credit the quotee by linking to what they said. Include the permanent link to the entry (or comment thread, if you're quoting a comment) in which the quote appears.
  4. If the quote comes from a non-public entry, you must ask for permission from the quotee before posting, and add "QWP" to the post so the admins know all is above board.
  5. Cuts are your friends! [community profile] metaquotes is not intended to be safe-for-work, but please try to respect people browsing their Reading Page at work. Also, please keep quotes short. (How do I make a cut?)
  6. Don't quote yourself, or ask to be quoted. If someone else thinks you're funny, they'll do it. If they don't -- you're not.
  7. You've got 100 characters to set-up, comment on, or explain your quote if you must - that's how long the title of a post can be on DW.
  8. No flaming. The mods reserve the right to delete things that aren't funny. We can't promise this community will be a safe space, but we don't like people being nasty.


If you notice posts and comments which break these rules, alert a community admin so that the contribution can be deleted or mocked accordingly.
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly2017-08-18 10:44 pm

[personal profile] oakfarm wants to make their own ketchup....

It should be pretentious and snobbish to say: “Sure I eat hot dogs, I have homemade mustard and homemade lingonberry ketchup on it”. Then to take the DIY philosophy serious you have to make the hot dog yourself.

Context sounds delicious!
lilysea: Serious (Default)
[personal profile] lilysea2017-08-17 07:00 pm

smalldeer has questions about apples

oh and a warm apple. like, a really warm apple. warmer than my teeth when i bit into it. no offense but. why. did they microwave this apple? did they store it in a dragon's mouth before allowing me to purchase it? did this apple recently return from a trip to the surface of the sun?

Context is the slings and arrows of working in the food service industry.

rydra_wong: dreamsheep with spork and "SheepSpork" logo; no, it wouldn't make any more sense if you saw it  (dreamwidth -- sheepspork)
[personal profile] rydra_wong2017-08-07 03:33 pm

[personal profile] sapote has rather unexpectedly found herself responsible for a Bird

I would say having a bird is like a very very very very minor version of having a small child except that it's more like having a tiny version of myself, age 32, viz:


8 am:

me: Good morning little sunshine! How are you? Wakey wakey!
Bird, glowering: enhhhhhh
Bird, half an hour later: enhhhhhhh
Bird, forty-five minutes later, still hiding under covered portion of cage: ENHHHHHH
Bird, minute 53: ::glumly meanders over to the seed tray::
Bird, minute 60: okay. okay. okay. Chirp.

Bird, hours 2 - 18: CHIRP. Chirp? Chirp! CHIRP.
Bird: WHAT IS THAT
Me: that's your swing, bird, it's been here forever.
Bird: IT IS MY ENEMY.
Bird: it is my friend?
Bird: I think I'm going to flirt with it.
Bird: I think I'm going to KICK IT. HWAH! HWAH!
Bird: IT ATTACKED ME RUN RUN RUN RUN
Bird: ... ... ... what is THAT?

Bird: the bell goes ding!
Bird: the bell goes ding!
Bird, four hours later: Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! THE BELL, IT GOES DING.

Cut for length )

Context.

Over at [personal profile] oursin's, they're pondering what comes next after Peak Mindfulness...

... and [personal profile] rydra_wong suggests:

"Heal Your Pain With Pain: A Mindful Self-Flagellation Workbook".


Context is browsing the Mind Bollocks Spirit bookshelves.
gingicat: the hands of Doctor Who #10, Martha Jones, and Jack Harkness clasped together with the caption "All for One" (all for one)
[personal profile] gingicat2017-07-27 08:57 pm

Ysabetwordsmith on a Certain Cinematic Universe

The characters I liked best? The bad guys. They were hard-working citizens who got screwed out of jobs that were legally contracted as theirs. So they decided to do something else, by selling alien equipment.

Context contains spoilers for a movie currently in theatres.
jesse_the_k: harbor seal's head with caption "seal of approval" (Approval)

[personal profile] spiralsheep sketches the zombie high school AU

Zombie cheerleader says: "Rah rah rust!"

Zombie High motto is: "If we can't win using our brains then we'll use your brains!" ;-)


Context is a Lego cheerleader in a graveyard, among other topics
lilysea: Mischievous (Mischievous)
[personal profile] lilysea2017-07-20 12:30 pm

liseuse will lasso the wild novella

I think my bookshelves mostly convey the message "you need more shelves" and "apparently will read anything that stays still long enough."

Context
is "is this a case for - the ponceyness police?"




Gotham City: the town where "weird" has a whole 'nother baseline.

[personal profile] owlbrigade1 cites this case in point:

Gotham police are at a loss to explain a sudden rise in animal themed costumed weirdos? Surely the explanation is the same as it is for the long standing animal themed weirdos? It is Gotham, it is what they do. People in animal costumes wreaking havoc is practically a city tradition.

Context, to no one's surprise, involves Harley Quinn.
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly2017-07-15 09:13 pm

[personal profile] brooksmoses has discovered the Hannover wurst

Hannover wurst appears to be what happens is when you have the question of whether to have sausage or bacon with your breakfast, and you make the obvious-in-retrospect choice of "Both! At the same time!" and make sausage in part out of bacon.

Context, needless to say, is delicious.
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly2017-07-10 09:09 pm

[personal profile] playswithworms has found a non-patriarchal reason to shave ones armpits

When you have a non-releasable raccoon baby that you're trying to socialize and get her used to humans and handling, and she *loves* to stick her nose up your sleeve and try to chew on your armpit hair.

Context is really good advice for people with pet raccoons.
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly2017-07-10 02:47 pm

[personal profile] beccaelizabeth on feminism and sci-fi

When was the last time you saw a bloke about to aim his spaceship towards noble sacrifice stop to cry about never having had children?

... arguably Picard, but, it is not generally a genre feature

unless women.


Context would like a warning label for fics with "women, written by men, who think they need a reason."
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly2017-07-10 02:44 pm

[personal profile] catwalksalone has a lava floor

I made it!

Almost.

Sadly, my left foot was lost in a floor lava touching incident, but with immediate amputation we were able to save the rest of the leg. Don't know how I'm going to explain THAT at work tomorrow. "Sorry, I can't drive my car, I lost my foot in an imaginary incident involving non-existent lava." I don't think there's a Health and Safety Policy for that.


Context does understand about convection, thank you.
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly2017-07-04 06:06 pm

[personal profile] commodorifiedis confused about memetic prophylactics

Mimosa Prophylactic: "you're going to need a drink after this."

Mitosis Prophylactic: "this is so bad it will cause you to divide down the centre."


Context is to be thanked for warning us that a given link is going to be awful - unlike this one :)
rosefox: A dark elf saying "WTF, man? Seriously W.T.F.??". (WTF)
[personal profile] rosefox2017-07-01 02:31 pm

[personal profile] siderea, nutraceuticals, and Infowars

So, basically this is pizza-flavored Gardasil coffee. ETA3: Alleged pizza-flavored Gardasil coffee. Alleged pizza-flavored Gardasil coffee marketed to men.

Context doesn't really make it any better.
rydra_wong: dreamsheep with spork and "SheepSpork" logo; no, it wouldn't make any more sense if you saw it  (dreamwidth -- sheepspork)
[personal profile] rydra_wong2017-06-22 09:01 am

[personal profile] sabotabby is focused

Possums and communism are basically my whole life.


Context is locked; QWP.
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly2017-06-17 12:52 pm

[personal profile] bunsen_h on Doctor Who

Someday in the Whoniverse, an evil alien invading force will threaten to disable humanity's defensive capabilities by making humans remember all of the invasions that they've bizarrely forgotten about. When people are forced to notice things like the gaping hole in Big Ben, the weird monuments, the work camps, the missing family members, the damage to personal property, etc., humanity will be reduced to quivering catatonia.

Context has identified a minor plot hole.
rydra_wong: Fragment of a Tube map, with stations renamed Piero della Francesca, Harpo, Socrates and Seneca. (walking -- the great bear)
[personal profile] rydra_wong2017-06-10 04:05 pm

[personal profile] juliet reports on the finer points of UK electoral regulations

Last night a friend who was at a count this time said they encountered a ballot paper with a cross drawn clearly for Candidate A, but with a penis also drawn next to it, spurting at the candidate's name. The Returning Officer concluded that it counted, because a clear preference had been indicated.


Context is still in shock at the election results.
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly2017-06-08 04:04 am

[personal profile] musyc on cats and the habits thereof

You let the first cat in
You let the first cat out
You let the same cat in
And now the rest want out
You stand there at the doorway
And they take their fucking time
"Not sure if we want out!"


Context has another two verses.