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[dingsi]

A particular subset of bad Harry Potter fan fiction makes schmevil cranky:

I want to leap into the fic, grab this limp blanket of a character by the shoulders and shake him.

"YOU'RE SEVERUS MOTHERFUCKING SNAPE, ASSHOLE. YOU DON'T CRY OVER SPILLED MILK. YOU INVENT A POTION THAT CREATES A SYNTHETIC EMOTIONAL STATE IN SPILLED MILK AND THEN INFLICT IRREPARABLE EMOTIONAL DAMAGE. ONE DAY THE MILK WILL WRITE A BOOK, DETAILING ITS STRUGGLE TO OVERCOME YOUR BULLYING, AND YOU WILL JUST SNEER IT INTO A RELAPSE. FROM A DISTANCE. SNAPE UP."

Comments

[soukup]

Oh, God, thank you. This so perfectly captures how frustrated I feel when someone turns a character whose canonical coldness I love into a lame overemotional blitherer. Also, I think I'm just going to start using "Snape up" IRL, regardless of how little sense it makes to the recipient. Awesome.