metaquotes | Recent Entries

For the posting of amusing, insightful, witty (etc.) things said on Dreamwidth.

Rules:

Quotes must have originated on Dreamwidth. (Yes, things posted here and cross-posted elsewhere at the same time are ok.)
Original quotes only - quoting quotes on Dreamwidth does not make for a metaquote.
Context! You must credit the quotee by linking to what they said. Include the permanent link to the entry (or comment thread, if you're quoting a comment) in which the quote appears.
If the quote comes from a non-public entry, you must ask for permission from the quotee before posting, and add "QWP" to the post so the admins know all is above board.
Cuts are your friends! metaquotes is not intended to be safe-for-work, but please try to respect people browsing their Reading Page at work. Also, please keep quotes short. (How do I make a cut?)
Don't quote yourself, or ask to be quoted. If someone else thinks you're funny, they'll do it. If they don't -- you're not.
You've got 100 characters to set-up, comment on, or explain your quote if you must - that's how long the title of a post can be on DW.
No flaming. The mods reserve the right to delete things that aren't funny. We can't promise this community will be a safe space, but we don't like people being nasty.

If you notice posts and comments which break these rules, alert a community admin so that the contribution can be deleted or mocked accordingly.

full_metal_ox

This eternal verity from

thanekos:

There's never yet been a definition of " ordinary people " without some kind of self-aggrandizing exclusion.

Context is a

scans_daily post on Nightwing #125 and law enforcement arms escalation.

soc_puppet

thevagabondexpress posted:

my cat just made a sound that's exactly like the vibration noise my phone makes when you plug it in. who is charging my cat.

Current Mood: curious

full_metal_ox

conuly:

YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL ME THAT THE FORTRESS IS LARGE AND IMPOSING.

The word "fortress" is enough to suggest both those things. Save your description for the next time the protagonists stop by a cute and dainty fortress.

cactuswatcher:

The cute and dainty fortress stood on the hill before them in the cloudless moonlight.

"So cozy, cheerful and welcoming!" exclaimed Lord Freddy. "Our mildly irksome foe, Sir Sydney, must surely be within. Let us start the preparations for a lavish brunch to draw him and his army of jolly-good chums out in the morn."

…It just writes itself!

hudebnik: Fight fiercely, Hahvahd, fight fight fight...

darkoshi: That sounds like the start of a jolly good story!

cellio: Does the Barbie line include a fortress? It should! Surely a Barbie fortress would be cute and dainty!

hudebnik: And pink?

cellio: Well of course. I don't think they're allowed to make non-pink Barbie stuff.

Context is guarded by Narnian Mice and the Rabbit of Caerbannog.

Current Music: ”Unikitty” by BABYMETAL.

full_metal_ox

An important reading and social comprehension skill:

One of the great skills in life, I have found as an adult, is knowing when you're not part of a conversation. Sometimes you're allowed to sit in on the conversation while your friend and their sibling talk about family stuff, but that doesn't mean you're part of the family, it just means you're here for it. A lot of the stories in Weird Black Girls are very much in that category: am I actually part of the conversation about the use of violent punishment in Black American families as an attempt to ward off white violence from Black children and/or a reflection of white violence through the parents, refracted through a fantastical lens? I sure am not. That is someone else's conversation I am sitting here listening to. And while these stories are not all that specifically, a lot of them touch on themes that are not really mine to dig into. It's not "I'm not the target audience for this" in the sense of "I don't appreciate this work," because I did appreciate this work. It's "I'm not the target audience for this" in the sense of "I am literally not the person being addressed here." But I can still stand by and find it interesting.

Context:

mrissa reviews Weird Black Girls, by Elwin Cotman.

azurelunatic

"Look with your sneef, not with your teef"

(That's how I say to the cats that investigating something by sniffing it is fine, but biting it isn't. They have no idea what I'm going on about either way.)

umadoshi has cats and an (artificial) tree.

Current Mood: amused

full_metal_ox

jamoche on gendered classroom assignments:

So mostly what I do here is write fanfic. Much to my surprise, as I never scored very high in creative writing. (I blame the teachers - when we covered Julius Caesar the girls and boys had different assignments. Girls got "what is Caesar's wife thinking during the assassination?" I put "not much, since she wasn't there so she didn't know it was happening". That didn't go over very well, for some reason.)

Context? It’s right there in her profile.

full_metal_ox

donnblake on Latverian airport security:

The correct answer to "Do you have anything to declare," in a Latverian airport is "Reed Richards is a MEDDLING FOOL!"

Context: things go differently with Eddie Brock and his +1.

rydra_wong

It's like having a really intense horse racing hobby where you can either be rich enough to throw away money over and over on buying horses and watching them lose, or you can be a regular punter and spend money you can't afford losing bets, or you can volunteer as an unpaid stablehand even though you're allergic to hay and bending over sets off your back problems and you're not actually good at it, because there's no other job you have the relevant skills to help with and at least you're involved, and meanwhile everyone else in the barn with you seems to have been born knowing the pedigree of every horse and jockey and owner going back a century and also each othe

we interrupt this analogy with a breaking news bulletin: your horse is a TERF.

Context is reviewing disaster wizards.

honigfrosch

DW is just so cozy, innit? LJ was that cool neighborhood bar. DW is a hidden knoll beneath an ancient oak where picnics are spread out on the grass.

I feel I need to give a content warning for once: the main part of the entry talks about grief and mourning after losing a loved one, therefore context wants you to decide for yourself whether it's alright to click the link.

sylvaine

I suggested that the regular jello is Strawberry, and the Starburst pink stuff might be Stwabewwy. "So with extra OwO, then?" Belovedest asked.

Context is leftover jello flavours.

honigfrosch

I cooked something last week and, no joke, there was some nitwit in the comments talking about how she subbed beef for pork, left out the soy sauce, made any number of other changes, and then gave the recipe one star because it didn't taste good? YOU DIDN'T MAKE THE RECIPE, BRENDA. You made whatever other unholy concoction of ground beef and ditch water you described in your comment.

Context is

pshaw_raven being a wiz in the kitchen.

msilverstar

Honestly, the reason I drifted out of this RPF fandom isn't that the main people involved betrayed me horribly; they just fell in love with wonderful people that they got on well with, and after that I didn't want to ship them with anyone else, but also shipping the real relationships felt not fictional enough? So I wandered out, and quit RPF altogether for awhile. So there's your other lesson: if you do start RPF shipping people who are genuinely ok people, they will go on to have nicer lives than you managed to imagine for them and all your fic is outshone. (Possibly the real enemyship these past two days is me/rpf.)

Context is

melannen enemyshipping recs for UK panel shows RPF

honigfrosch

YouTube video: "A hundred years later, Daphne du Maurier herself couldn't have conjured up a mystery like this one..."
Taylor: *purses his lips*
Me: *silently watching him, wondering if he'll say it*
Tay: >:(
Me:
Tay: >:(
Me:
Tay: *pauses the video* "I'm sorry, but Daphne du Maurier ABSOLUTELY COULD HAVE--"

QWP from

draculard in a no-context environment.

honigfrosch

It's going to be real hard for me to have ten abortions next year, given that I'm single, isolating due to the pandemic, and I was sterilized in 2006, but I find the President's domestic policy agenda so compelling that I guess I'll give it my best try.

(Context is Jen "I'm done with your shit" Psaki vs Owen "But will our tax dollars pay for sinful abortions??!!" Jansen.)

rydra_wong

The question you doubtless have by this point is, Betty, you read all 700 hundred chapters of this? Why? Are you okay? This seems like a terrible decision, what led you to it?

And the answer is: None of us are okay, look out the window!

Context has finished reading a novel "of astounding tedium, moral myopia, misogyny and general repellence".

rydra_wong

Gosh. When I was on steroids I just bought coats on the internet.

Context is locked, QWP.

honigfrosch

Other reporter at the meeting: "What's the word?"
Me: "The word?"
Reporter: "Yeah"
Me: "Any word?"
Reporter: "What?"
Me, confused: "Uh, diaphanous. Uh, gracile."
Reporter: "What's going on in your town."
Me: "Oh, the word"

(Context is non-existent and also, locked)

honigfrosch

'Am I spelling cannoli correctly? Autocorrect says no, but the only alternative it's offering me is "cannonball." For what it's worth, I won the Weaselbiscuits County Spelling Bee in fifth grade, so this is a matter of professional pride. The headline was "Fifth Grader Masticates His Way to Spelling Bee Victory," which is not the sort of thing you want the paper to say about you in fifth grade.'

QWP from

draculard. Context is asking the question whether you'd eat poisoned cannoli.

honigfrosch

"It's really difficult because I want people to basically pay me to write but I don't want to a.) be accountable for what I write and b.) make concessions towards what people want to read. :p"

(Context is having a zine shop during Small Press Day)